if only I could pretend

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if only I could pretend
to be what I am not
a whole
no I am not

if only this stupid heart
would stop aching
would rest awhile
if only i could pretend

I would wrench it out
and throw it to the scavengers
a fitting salute
to a merciless actor

it nestles within
and kills me from inside
it poisons me
from my core

if only I could pretend
to be what i am not
if only I could smile awhile
if only this outpouring could cease awhile

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